DEAR ABBYRecently, I got married “Joel,”He is a man that I truly love. We may have differences but our love is strong and we will stay together.
Our wedding pictures just arrived and, after going through them together, I asked my husband to create a digital album to share with our family and friends, as I’m very busy with work. Just a minute ago, I was able to see the digital album that he made and realized that he had left out a photo of my best friend. “Logan”Joel and me hugging each other as we left the reception. This was such a special moment to me, as Logan is my cousin and I consider him part of my family.
He understood my pain when I shared it with him. It hurt me deeply that the picture wasn’t included. Joel has expressed in the past that he isn’t comfortable with me hugging males who are not family members. This has always been a source of disagreement between us. After several long conversations, we thought that we were close to a solution.
Joel kept photos from his ex-girlfriends even though he had deleted them before my wedding. After I asked him, he replied that he only kept the pictures for personal memories and would delete them. Now that we’re married I have noticed he brings up his past dating life a lot. He keeps going after me, even though I asked him to quit.
It feels like there is a double standard. Joel can keep in touch with his ex-girlfriends, while I have to distance myself from my male friends. I don’t know how to broach this with him because it is so early in our marriage. Some advice would be helpful. — NEW UPSET IN TEXAS
DEAR NEARLYWARD:It’s time for you and your husband to have a serious talk. There’s a difference between mentioning one’s past dating life and maintaining connections to those individuals. IfJoel keeps in touch with his family, but he’s using a double standard. You need to discuss it. It may be necessary to remind him repeatedly that talking about past relationships makes you feel uncomfortable. Then ask why he continues doing this.
The photo of you and Logan hugging at the end of the reception may have been omitted because it wasn’t a memory of your wedding day that your husband felt was relevant. Now that you have explained its significance, ask Joel to add it if that’s possible. But do it when you are both calm and relaxed so it isn’t contentious and you can both clear the air.
DEAR ABBY Recently, I was diagnosed with prediabetes. I’ve been very successful in adopting a low-carb, no-sugar lifestyle. Problem occurs when I go out to eat. When I eat at birthday parties, my anxiety about eating is overwhelming. If I say no to the sugary desserts, one of three things is guaranteed to happen: I’m accused of trying to be skinny, told the food is wasted because I don’t eat it, or I feel guilty because I acquiesced. Because I fear the worst, I refuse to accept invitations to dine out. Can I tell people what to say so they respect my food restrictions. — FOOD ANXIETY-RIDDEN IN NEW YORK
DEAR F.A.R.: You only need to speak the truth “My doctor recently diagnosed me with pre-diabetes and I don’t want it to progress any further. So, no thank you!”
Abigail Van Buren also writes Dear Abby, which is known as Jeanne Phillips. She was the founder of Dear Abby by Pauline Phillips. Dear Abby can be reached at DearAbby.com, or P.O. Box 69440 Los Angeles CA 90069. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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