DEAR ABBYMy great-grandma died at the age of 7. My grandma was my favourite person and she loved me dearly. She played with me when no one else had the time, taught me how to bake, told me stories and didn’t care that I was playing in the dishwater when she was trying to wash dishes.
It was something I knew from childhood that Grandpa had been a cook at an American Indian boarding school before marrying her. It was horrible, terrible and disgusting. They were open to the practice of government- and church-sponsored cultural genocide, and they were also places where children were sexually or emotionally abused.
Although I love my grandma, I’m embarrassed, angry and disgusted that she worked in one. It wouldn’t have been church-affiliated. I can be sure she would not have noticed any abuse. What can I do to get over my anger at people for doing something they did years ago? It has been 40 years since she died. — GRANDDAUGHTER HUT
DEAR HUT:According to your description, you can see that your grandmother was an affectionate, loving and caring woman, who tried her best to provide for the needs of the children in the boarding schools. This may have been her only source of income. Even though terrible things did happen, she was not at fault.
Child abuse isn’t restricted to any one religion. Many religious believers in different denominations today cannot believe that there are such things among them. Forgive your grandmother if she made mistakes and get on with your lives. Dwelling on these negative feelings for someone who was good to you and is long gone isn’t healthy for you.
DEAR ABBY My wife was killed two years back. Soon after my wife’s death, I fell in love with a woman. They dated for over a year and shared many of the same interests. We were also very close. Our relationship was inseparable. Now, after a year of marriage, we don’t do anything together, and she has put on 30 pounds. My impression was that her girls were completely independent when they turned twenty-two and 22 years old. But she is actually supporting them in part. Our 15-year-old son lives in our home and plays with his computer. He orders food from us and takes care of his chores.
250k dollars a year. She works and earns about $50k, and I give her an allowance to help pay for her son’s private school and whatever else she wants.
It’s obvious that I’m not No. 1. In her entire life. She just came back from a weekend with her girls (which I sponsored), so I don’t think she is even No. 2. My friends say I should run, that she’s a gold digger who took advantage of me. I can’t believe I was so wrong, and I’m always giving her “one more chance.”She also goes insane if she is near my cellphone. As I write this, it seems obvious what’s going on. Are I being taken advantage in a large way? What could I possibly be missing? — RANKING LOW IN NORTH CAROLINA
DEAR RANKING Not knowing your wife, I can’t judge for you whether she’s a gold digger. This is what I know for certain: You’re not being taken advantaged more than you wish to. You can save your marriage by telling your wife that you’re unhappy. If your wife refuses to talk, you can consult an attorney.
Dear Abby was written by Abigail Van Buren (also known as Jeanne Phillips) and founded by Pauline Phillips. Dear Abby is available at DearAbby.com and P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
Check out the complete article here